By HTE Founder, Erin Hughes
When we got married, no one really told me how hard marriage would be.
You grow up surrounded by the idea that fairytale endings are realistic. The wedding. The happily ever after. The belief that once you find your person, everything will just fall into place.
But the truth? Marriage is not a fairytale. It’s a marathon. And sometimes… it’s a really bloody hard one.
This year we celebrate 15 years of marriage and 24 years together, which honestly feels surreal to even say out loud. We met young. We grew up together. We built a life together and now share four incredible kids.
And somewhere along the way, life tested us in ways I never imagined when we first said “I do”.
No One Talks About the Hard Parts
What I’ve realised over the years is that people rarely talk about how hard marriage can be. On the outside, relationships can look picture perfect — especially in a world where social media shows the highlight reel. The holidays. The date nights. The smiling family photos.
But behind closed doors there are tough times, lonely times and exhausting times. Times where you feel disconnected, overwhelmed, or unsure of where you both stand. And I wish someone had told me earlier that this is normal.
Because when you’re in those moments it can feel like something must be wrong with your relationship. Or worse, wrong with you.
Life Changes — And So Do You
When you spend more than two decades with someone, life doesn’t stay the same. You change. They change. Life throws curveballs you never saw coming.
We met when we were young, when life was simpler and the future felt wide open. Then came careers, responsibilities, loss, pressure… and eventually kids.
Our thirties were intense. Four kids, sleepless nights, building careers and businesses, and trying to keep everything moving forward while surviving the chaos of family life.
It was beautiful — but also incredibly tough.
There were moments where I felt like I had completely lost myself. Not just as an individual, but sometimes as a partner too.
When you’re deep in the thick of raising young kids, your relationship can easily slip down the priority list. Not intentionally — just because survival mode takes over.
Relationships Evolve — Whether You Expect Them To Or Not
One of the biggest lessons I’ve learnt is that relationships don’t stay the same.
The person you fell in love with at 20 is not the same person standing next to you 20 years later. And neither are you.
You evolve. You grow. You experience life differently.
Sometimes that growth brings you closer. Sometimes it creates distance that you have to navigate together. But somewhere underneath all of that change, you’re still the same two people who chose each other in the beginning.
Sometimes you just have to find your way back to that again.
The Myth of “Someone Better”
I think one of the biggest misconceptions about long-term relationships is the idea that someone new would somehow be easier — that if you met someone else, things would just feel happy all the time.
And yes, sometimes relationships do end and people do find something healthier for them.
But I also think a lot of people are chasing an impossible idea of constant happiness.
Because the reality is this: you can’t be with someone for 24 years, build a life together, share a home, raise children and go through life together without incredibly difficult times.
That doesn’t mean the relationship is broken. Sometimes it just means you’re in a hard time.
Coming Out the Other Side
The thing I’m most proud of when I look back on our relationship isn’t the easy moments. It’s the hard ones — the times where things felt heavy but we worked through them anyway.
Because those moments build something deeper: resilience, understanding and a bond that only comes from going through life side by side.
Our kids are now 12, 10, 7 and 3, and we’re finally starting to come out of those intense early parenting years. And I can honestly say things feel lighter again.
Our forties feel different. Less survival mode, more breathing room, and more space to reconnect — both individually and as a couple.
Sometimes I laugh imagining what our fifties might look like. Hopefully a little calmer… but knowing us, probably still chaotic.
Why I’m Sharing This
I’m sharing this because I know there are people quietly sitting in their relationships wondering if something is wrong.
Wondering why things feel hard. Wondering why their relationship doesn’t look like the fairytale they imagined.
If that’s you, I want you to know something: you are not alone. The struggle is real. The hard times are real. The doubts are real.
But those moments don’t have to define the end of your story. Sometimes they’re the part of the journey that shapes your relationship into something stronger, deeper and more meaningful than you ever imagined.
Marriage isn’t a fairytale. But if you’re willing to grow through the hard parts together, it can become something even better.
Something real.
And honestly? After 24 years together and 15 years of marriage, I wouldn’t trade that for anything.
