ONTE Founder, Stephanie Fernandez-Nadinic, On The Myth Of Balance And The Beauty Of Chaos

Tell us about your family. How many kids do you have?

My name is Stephanie Fernandez-Nadinic, Founder and Creative Director of ONTE. Wife to Jacobo, mum to seven-year-old Benjamin, and thirteen-year-old puppy Harrietta.

What was your biggest adjustment when becoming a mum?

Like so many, my journey to have a baby was challenging.

You spend your entire adolescence and early adulthood terrified of getting pregnant, then when you’re actually ready for motherhood, you’re told the chances are slim, oh, the irony!

Nevertheless, in 2017, eight months after moving back to Australia, we welcomed Benji into our family, proudly made in Spain. My life and body would never be the same.

In the early months, sleep deprivation was real, especially when you suffer from narcolepsy. Breastfeeding is such a gift, until you’re pumping in the conference room at work. Celebrating the nights he slept through while lying in your breastmilk with engorged boobs and blocked ducts from skipping the overnight feed. The first steps and first falls, the smiles and tears, worried and excited at the same time. I absolutely wouldn’t have it any other way!

How do you manage the juggle when it comes to trying to do it all?

You simply cannot do it all, but I definitely give it a good crack.

I absolutely couldn’t raise a confident, kind and clever little boy, run a growing business, and keep a household liveable without my husband, who often does his and my share.

It’s also all about sacrifice. If going to the office to meet a deadline after bedtime means I can do school drop-off, pick-up and eat dinner together as a family, then that’s that. Someone once told me: “Motherhood is not easy, it’s not supposed to be easy, and if you think it’s easy, then you’re probably not doing the best job.”

What is the best thing about being a mum?

Being able to witness this little being you created grow and evolve. Each day he’s demonstrating traits so clearly inherited directly from either me or my husband. Being a mum has also given me some of my most cherished friendships.

What is the biggest challenge you’ve experienced as a mum?

I’ve always gone after what I want, doing what needs to be done to make it happen – things like moving to Italy at 18 years old to follow my dream in fashion design, working for top fashion houses, learning Italian and Spanish – to suddenly feeling so powerless with the fertility struggle was a real challenge.

But even more so, another challenge I experienced (and something I’m guilty of asking before becoming a mum), was constantly receiving the dreaded question: “So, what about number two?”

I couldn’t believe that as soon as Benji turned one, I would get this question constantly. I never realised before how insensitive and hard this can be for some women. I began to respond with, “If only it was that easy.”

It wasn’t until Benji was at kinder and he would come home asking why he’s the only child in his class without a sibling.

There’s such pressure from society in Australia about siblings, and I still often struggle with the guilt of just having one. I remind myself: yes, I have just one, but I have the absolute best one. And one is better than none.

What surprised you the most about becoming a mum?

It sounds cliché, but the absolute infinite depth of love you feel for them. It’s completely unfathomable before you’re a mum. People tell you about it and you think you know what to expect but you can never truly understand until you experience it. And how the most seemingly insignificant moments can now bring such incredible joy.

What do you wish you knew before becoming a mum?

You don’t need to purchase every item from the famous baby list that circulates like a chain letter.

You don’t need a newly decorated nursery or the matching three-piece cot/change table/dresser. And you definitely don’t need that rocking chair that’s as expensive as it is ugly. Just buy the minimum, you’ll soon work out what’s truly necessary.

If you could go back in time, what would you tell yourself or others?

You’re overwhelmed with advice, opinions and guidance before becoming a mum. But there is no one-size-fits-all when it comes to motherhood. The best you can do is listen, read, research it all, then simply apply whatever is suitable for you and your family.

Do you have any tips or tricks to manage the day-to-day juggle?

“Manage the juggle” is a funny way to put it, it suggests you’re able to keep multiple things moving simultaneously without dropping them. I can’t juggle!

I do, however, have the most amazing unicorn of a husband. We are a team and approach all aspects of life, work and family together. I recently heard Emma Grede put it perfectly: “Please don’t talk to me about balance! We can’t do it all or have it all, all the time, and that’s perfectly okay. It’s about accepting the inevitable trade-offs, doing what you can, when you can, and embracing the idea that sometimes balance may not exist.”

How do you manage your time to fit in career, being a mum, your relationship and time for you?

As my husband and I are self-employed, we have the freedom to be present for our son – doing drop-offs and pick-ups, being a parent helper at school, family holidays when it suits – but this also means I’m rarely without my laptop and often make up hours after dark.

Date nights or days are rare but cherished – it could be a concert, dinner out, a Gold Class movie, or an early morning on the boat chasing snapper. I consider myself reasonably low maintenance (the occasional manicure and my bi-annual budget haircut), but I do indulge in the odd Rationale facial or massage when needed.

Who is in your village and you couldn’t live without?

My husband, Jacobo. As I said, we’re a team and approach everything with that mindset. The sacrifice he’s made to live in Australia, his dedication to our son and family, and his unwavering support for my business is incomparable.

My mum, who also happens to be my best friend, is a midwife by trade and an angel by nature. The most selfless woman on the planet – stocking the fridge, folding the washing, sleeping over to do the night shift in the early days, looking after Benji so I could return to work at seven months, and most recently, managing customer service and dispatch for my business ONTE.

The five things in your bag you can’t leave home without?

Nothing glamorous here!

1. My phone
2. Wallet
3. Keys
4. A tape measure
5. My laptop is always on hand, along with my softcover Moleskine A5 notebook and a 0.5 fine-tip ballpoint pen (I’m a little OCD for stationery).

I also carry a couple of 2B pencils, an eraser and paper for my son, who’s obsessed with drawing. Rather than giving him my phone at restaurants or in waiting rooms, he prefers to draw.

Your favourite holiday spot is…

Galicia, and the entire north-west coast of Spain. This is my husband’s homeland and where his entire family still lives. I was fortunate enough to live there with him before moving back to Australia in 2016. We travel there every year for a month to enjoy summer with family.

Why do you love this place?

The food is the best in the world, the beaches are spectacular, and the quality of life is second to none. It’s such a special time for my son to spend with his grandparents, aunties and uncles who he’s extremely close to, despite the distance, thanks to FaceTime.

What location is top of your travel wish list?

We finally crossed Japan off the list. Next would be a road trip through the US, and we’ve been planning the Maldives for a while – I want a resort where I can inhale a book on the beach while the boys surf.

What is your favourite brand and why?

I adore Róhe, a Dutch brand I’ve admired for a while and notice popping up more and more. On my last trip to Spain, I also tracked down the famous Jesús Cánovas moccasin, made famous by Julio Iglesias. The most divine leather slipper, I purchased them in red and navy.

The trend you’re loving right now?

I adore the “Jane Birkin-ify your bag” trend, but only when done authentically. The charms should be collected, gifted, or have sentimental meaning, not simply bought in bulk. I’ve been doing this for years – whether it’s a leather Loewe elephant charm or a DIY plastic bead necklace made by my son. It’s a playful way to express yourself through personalisation.

The trend you can’t get on board with?

Low-rise jeans – just not for me, no good on my body. I’m petite at 158cm and need the illusion of lengthening my legs, not the opposite. Nothing like a high-waisted rigid pair of button-fly 501s to hold that mum tum in.

Where do you do most of your fashion shopping?

I do 99% of my shopping when in Europe – placed like El Corte Inglés in Madrid, La Samaritaine in Paris, LuisaViaRoma and 10 Corso Como in Italy, Liberty in London, plus all the incredible outlets. I also love Lane Crawford when in Asia.

What does a healthy lifestyle mean to you?

I feel healthiest when I’m organised. As soon as I feel disorganised, I get overwhelmed and unproductive. It’s also about a healthy and happy family. My husband has a strong connection to the ocean, so we make an effort to get out on the boat every weekend or down the coast.

What do you do to keep your body moving?

Pilates is my sweet escape, I can’t live without FluidForm. I do a 6am session three times a week without fail (unless travelling). We’re fortunate to live near a large park, which is great for running. When travelling, I walk everywhere.

Your top five tips for maintaining a healthy lifestyle?

1. No alcohol
2. Early nights and early mornings
3. Exercise
4. No screens before bed (Kindle only)
5. Quality sleep

Your non-negotiables when it comes to health and wellness?

I need to prioritise rest and stress management, if not, it affects my narcolepsy and can induce mild cataplexy and sleep paralysis. Early morning Pilates three times a week sets me up for the day, and reading on my Kindle before bed helps quiet my mind and sends me to sleep.

What does the word ‘balance’ mean to you?

Balance is a word I don’t really like –  it suggests equal effort, time and energy is being put into all aspects of life harmoniously, which I believe is a myth. There are times when work deadlines are on top of me and working 19-hour days is what it takes to get the job done, I can depend on my husband to keep things steady at home. Or, if I need to fly out to meet suppliers, my son’s schedule is rarely interrupted.

Managing school holidays, my son always comes first – it could be a day at the Melbourne Show, followed by a night in the office. It’s not balance, but it’s about accepting trade-offs. Prioritising work to achieve business milestones, and prioritising family so as not to miss the important moments.