Photographer Nikole Ramsay: On Light, Love, and Letting Go

Through the lens of motherhood: photographer Nikole Ramsay on surrendering perfection and embracing presence.

Tell us about your family?

We’re a family of four; we have a 15-year-old son and a 12-year-old daughter.

What was your biggest adjustment when becoming a mum?

The biggest adjustment was the shift from being career-focused (and self-focused) to being completely focused on our new baby and the role of motherhood, which felt like nothing else I’d ever tackled! We were living in London at the time, so we didn’t have family or friends with children around us, which meant we had very little support in those early days. We relied on each other and a library of parenting books!

How do you manage the juggle when it comes to trying to do it all?

I learnt fairly early on that you can’t do it all. That’s not to say I didn’t try! I went back to work too early, and it caused a lot of pressure and stress that, in hindsight, I could have done without.

I remember one day on the way to work, my assistant had to drive my car while I was expressing milk on the motorway on the way to a shoot, with some interesting looks from truck drivers passing by!

I got home that night in tears, and the next day, I redirected my upcoming shoots to other photographers so I could create some space and just be at home, where I needed to be.

What is the best thing about being a mum?

The best thing about being a mum is the continued change and growth that you see in your children in each of the phases of their young lives. Every week brings something new, just when I think I have it worked out, they grow, change and challenge me to also grow with them. The way my children reflect back to me all the things I need to improve about myself is also such a positive. They’re a mirror for me, showing me who I really am.

Our relationships highlight the raw, unhealed parts of me that need attention, and I welcome that process. I try to show them that, while they are learning and growing, I am too.In our house, nobody is perfect.

We focus on each effort and progress and encourage each other, hopefully becoming a better version of ourselves each week.

What has been your biggest challenge as a mum?

Accepting that my kids are not smaller versions of me. Accepting that they are their own people, with their own dreams, quirks, likes and dislikes. They’re not here to fulfil my destiny or my vision for them, they’re here to live their own lives, with our support and love.

What surprised you the most when becoming a mum?

One of our children was adopted by us at age four, so there have been many surprises and challenges on my motherhood journey.

But I’d say the biggest surprise was learning, and embracing, that you can be a loving mum, wholly and fully, without having a biological connection.

What do you wish you knew before becoming a mum?

I wish I’d known not to doubt myself, and in knowing that, I may not have waited so long to become a mum.

If you could go back in time, what would you tell yourself or others?

Be present. Take the time to just be. Listen more. Play more! Everywhere you think you need to be will still be there when you’re ready.

Nothing stays the same – every phase of their little lives becomes your favourite. Enjoy it all, even the difficult times, because there’s growth and learning in those too.

Do you have any tips or tricks to manage the day-to-day juggle?

I’m big on lists to keep track of what needs to be done – a list for today, a list for the week, and a wish list. I usually have all three on the go.

If you’re parenting in a partnership, I think good, clear communication is the key to managing everything that needs to get done in a day.

How do you manage your time to fit in career, being a mum, relationship, and time for you?

I’m getting better at it every year. I have a more realistic idea now of what’s physically possible to maintain balance across all those areas. Having a career, being a mum, being a partner, and caring for myself all flow in and out of balance at different times. Again, clear communication really helps when things feel out of balance.

Who is in your village, and who couldn’t you live without?

Family and friends. I couldn’t live without my husband, Jason, and his unwavering support. I also love my swim friends, who I swim with a few times a week. We meet before the rest of the household wakes up, and swim as the sun comes up, followed by a coffee and catch up. Then I’m home by 7 to start the day. Their friendship means so much to me, and I feel like I get some socialising in before sunrise which is a bonus when work gets busy.

The 5 things in your bag you can’t leave home without:

My iPhone – literally an extension of my arm
Subtle Energies Aura Protection Body Mist – one spray gives me instant calm if chaos hits
The Skincare Company Daily Defence Moisturiser SPF50+
Jacques Marie Mage Dealan glasses (in tortoiseshell)
My Karst Gridline notebook and Moleskine Weekly Diary (yep, I’m still a paper diary girl)

Your favourite holiday spot is…

Kangaroo Island – The Dune House. It’s the most perfect luxury home set in the dunes above a pristine, white sandy beach, run by the loveliest hosts. The island is spectacular and full of beautiful wildlife. Website: hamiltondune.com.au

Why do you love this place?

For its secluded setting, barefoot luxury, and connection to nature. I love holidaying in Australia, we have the best beaches in the world.

What location is at the top of your wish list to travel to next?

Sardinia. I’ve always wanted to go, and my sister has recently been on a beautiful swim holiday there, which has made the yearning even stronger after seeing her photos!

What is your favourite brand and why?

Nikon (cameras). I’ve used them since I was young, stayed faithful to them and my photography career wouldn’t be the same without them.

The trend you’re loving right now?

A barrel trouser leg.

The trend you can’t get on board with?

Twin sets – any of them. They all look like pyjamas on me!

What’s your latest brand discovery?

Last year I had a trip to India, so I’d say Forest Essentials, Ayurvedic body and skincare.

Where do you do most of your fashion shopping?

Online.

What does a healthy lifestyle mean to you?

It’s a goal – something I’m always aiming for, but not always achieving. Being healthy is a mind and body connection, staying in touch with how I feel, by taking time for self care.

What do you do to keep your body moving?

An ocean swim daily, a personal yoga practice daily, walking the dog and a couple of gym sessions each week. My job is quite physical, shoot days can be long and very active. I’ve just completed a 2 year yoga teacher training course – so I am really into my yoga at the moment.

What are your top 5 tips for maintaining a healthy lifestyle?

Wake early, plan your week, prioritise time for exercise, be consistent and make sure play is part of the mix!

What are your non-negotiables when it comes to health and wellness?

Yoga, daily – for movement, breath, and clarity of mind and old ocean swims all year round.

What does the word ‘balance’ mean to you?

Something to aim for, but not to get stuck on. I think consistent balance is as unachievable as consistent happiness. I’m always working towards it, but I don’t beat myself up when I don’t achieve it!