BY HTE Founder, Erin Hughes.
It’s a statement we’ve all heard before, self-care isn’t selfish, but how many of us actually believe it? In reality, self-care is often misunderstood. Society still clings to the outdated idea that taking time for yourself is indulgent or selfish, especially if you’re a mum.
“And while it’s true that finding time for self-care isn’t always possible—thanks to lack of support or endless responsibilities—every mum deserves to prioritise herself occasionally. Without guilt. Without judgement.”
Here’s the thing: dads don’t face the same scrutiny. They’re rarely made to feel guilty for taking time out, while mums are often left battling both societal expectations and their own internal guilt.
It’s 2025, and while we’ve made progress in some ways, these double standards still linger.
The Double Standards
I’ll never forget the time I went on a short trip overseas to visit my best friend. At the time, I had two young kids, and it was the first time I’d left them since becoming a mum. Before I left, I spent days prepping meals, organising schedules, and making sure everything was in place so my husband wouldn’t be overwhelmed. While I was away, several women in our community reached out to offer him help—cooked meals, babysitting, you name it.
Of course, I appreciated the gesture, but it made me pause. When my husband went on a surf trip? Not a single offer of help came my way. It was just expected that I’d cope because, well, I’m the mum. Why does society assume dads can’t manage solo, yet mums should simply take it all in their stride?
Another moment that sticks with me was when I took my eldest to Masada sleep school when he was nine months old. Instead of hearing words of encouragement about the support we’d get, the first question people asked was, “Will your husband be alright while you’re gone?” I was genuinely baffled. Why wouldn’t he be? I was taking our baby with me, and he was going to be home alone!
Masada was a game-changer for us. It wasn’t just about sleep; it was about support—support for me, for my baby, and even for dads. It was a form of self-care in its own way, allowing me to recharge and come back stronger. And let me tell you, it made me realise just how essential these moments are.
Why Self-Care Matters
So, why is it that dads taking time for themselves is often seen as normal, but when mums do the same, it’s labelled indulgent? It’s absurd. Whether you’re working full-time, part-time, or parenting full-time, self-care is not a luxury—it’s a necessity. It doesn’t have to be extravagant, and it’s not about being selfish. It’s about doing something for yourself that helps you recharge and show up as your best self.
Self-care looks different for everyone. For some, it’s a quiet bath with a book. For others, it’s going for a run or grabbing a coffee with a friend. It doesn’t need to take hours, and it shouldn’t add stress to your already busy day. The key is finding something that works for you.
The Benefits of Self-Care
Here’s why making time for yourself is so important:
- It gives you time to focus on you.
- It helps you relax and recharge.
- It offers a break from the noise and routine of daily life.
- It allows you to show up as the best version of yourself—for your kids, your partner, and most importantly, you.
- It provides the energy and patience needed to tackle life’s challenges.
- It gives you space to reflect, gain perspective, and feel grateful for the good in your life.
- It prevents burnout.
Simple Ways to Practise Self-Care
Not sure where to start? Here are some ideas:
- Move your body: Go for a walk, run, swim, or attend a fitness class.
- Meditate: Sit still, breathe deeply, and be present.
- Socialise: Catch up with friends or loved ones.
- Watch a film or binge-watch a TV series.
- Read a book.
- Take a bath.
- Treat yourself: A massage, a facial, or even a DIY face mask at home.
Personally, I find it hard to switch off at home with all the chaos around me, so I try to leave the house when I can. But whether you’re at home or out and about, carving out even a small pocket of time for yourself makes all the difference.
Next time you—or someone you know—feels guilty about practising self-care, remind them: it’s not selfish. It’s essential. Taking care of yourself isn’t just good for you—it benefits everyone around you. Choose yourself. Prioritise your well-being. And show the world what it looks like to live a happy, healthy life.
