Ashleigh McInnes on Refusing to Be Defined by Just One Part of Her Life

Tell us about your family. How many children do you have?

I have two beautiful boys, aged four and a half and three. They are both turbo. That is the only way to describe them.

I have been a single mum for the past two and a bit years, after separating from my husband when my youngest was one. We are still on very good terms and share lots of barbecues and family events. We have both since found beautiful new partners, and everyone gets along. It is a perfectly imperfect extended family unit.

What part of being a mum fills you up the most?

Watching the curiosity of young children. I did not realise how curious and beautiful they could be. They see the world from such an innocent and inquisitive point of view, and it is incredibly rewarding to watch them grow and learn.

I also love the pitter-patter of their little feet in the morning as they run down the hallway to my bed. It is the best feeling to wake up to.

What genuinely helps you stay afloat in the day-to-day juggle?

Voice memos have changed my life. Those small pockets of time add up, so anything that can turn 20 minutes of texting or emailing into two minutes is a huge win.

Preparing lunchboxes ahead of time also helps. I spend most evenings getting organised so the mornings feel a little easier.

I am incredibly lucky to have the flexibility that comes with running my own business. If the boys need to be picked up early from daycare, I can bring them into the office with me. Without that flexibility, I think the juggle would feel almost impossible.

How do you make space for your career, motherhood, love, friendships and yourself?

It is not always easy, but I am very intentional about my time and the different roles I play in my life.

I do not define myself solely as a mother or a business owner. I am also a friend, partner, daughter and family member, and each of those roles is equally important to me.

I make a conscious effort to create space for all of those relationships. One advantage of co-parenting is that when my children are with their dad, I can invest more time in my friendships, my partner and my family.

In many ways, my life is split in two. Half my time is dedicated to my children, and the other half allows me to nurture the other important parts of who I am.

Where do you find fashion that genuinely feels like you?

I love pops of colour and statement pieces, and I tend to gravitate towards fashion that speaks to me.

I try to be savvy and invest in a few timeless pieces each year that I know I will keep forever, then build around them with more affordable pieces from Australian brands.

I am very much an Australian designer girl. I have some amazing archival Josh Goot, Sass & Bide, Lisa Ho and Dion Lee pieces that I wear regularly, save for special occasions or hold onto for the next fashion cycle.

A fun fact is that I do not own a white or blue shirt, and I do not buy designer handbags. I believe fashion should feel like you, no matter where it was purchased or how expensive the brand is.

What does living a healthy, grounded life look like in your world?

No comment. I genuinely do not think I have a particularly healthy or grounded life at the moment.

I wish I could tell you the secret was green juice and olive oil, but I am mostly powered by coffee, kids’ chicken nuggets and chocolate.

It is definitely an area of my life I want to improve this year.

How do you keep your body moving in a way that feels realistic and sustainable?

I count myself incredibly lucky to be a member of Saint Haven, a private club in South Yarra that combines a bathhouse, recovery sanctuary, co-working space and restaurant.

I work from the co-working lounge every Monday and try to commit to at least 40 minutes in the mineral pool and traditional sauna three times a week. That has become a non-negotiable.

I layer that with strength training two or three times a week, along with the PEMF mat and red light therapy when I can.

When you think about balance, what does that actually mean in real life?

Balance means investing time in all the areas of my life that bring me joy, including exercise, friendships, laughter, experiences, holidays, family and my partner.

It is about making sure all of those buckets are being filled, while accepting that they will not all be equally full at the same time.

What often comes at the expense of balance is downtime and time to myself. I am not someone who naturally sits on the couch and reads a book. That is probably a character flaw of mine.

Any spare second I have tends to go towards home improvements or another project I have on the go. For me, balance is less about stopping and more about creating time for the things that genuinely bring me joy.

What does your morning routine look like, honestly?

I try to wake up and have a shower before the boys wake up. Sometimes that works and sometimes it does not.

Then we have breakfast, they are usually fighting over toys, and I am battling to get them dressed. Putting clothes on toddlers is a very physical activity.

After that, I run around getting myself ready, we jump in the car, and once the boys are strapped into their car seats, I often run back inside to tidy the house a little.

The bags and lunches are hopefully packed the night before, which gives me some breathing room.

I always, always put my makeup on in the car. Then I drop the boys at kinder and send a few voice memos to friends to check in. That is my prime time for keeping up with people.

After that, it is straight to the office.

How do you wind down at night? What does your evening routine look like?

Honestly, it begins with cleaning. My boys are like little hurricanes who tear through the house, so the first job is restoring some order.

About 90 minutes before bed, I take magnesium and have a hot shower. Afterwards, I try to get into bed as early as I can.

One of my favourite parts of the day is chatting with my partner before we go to sleep. Those conversations are something I really treasure.

I am notoriously bad at taking my makeup off or sticking to a skincare routine, so if I skip the shower there’s a good chance I’ll end up in bed wearing makeup.

One habit I’ve let slip, but I’m trying to get back to, is journalling before bed. And, if I’m being completely honest, there is usually a little doom scrolling too.

What’s a truth about yourself that took you years to finally admit?

That I am worthy of other people’s love, attention and support.

Professionally, I’ve felt secure in my worth for a long time, but that confidence didn’t always exist in my personal life.

Over the past few years, I’ve gone on a journey to better understand the value I bring to my friends and family.

It has allowed me to become much more comfortable with who I am and to stop filtering parts of myself just to be more likeable.

When do you feel most like the truest version of yourself?

Either when I’m exploring a new country with my phone firmly on Do Not Disturb, or when I’m away for a weekend with my friends, completely present and enjoying everyone’s company.

It might sound a little taboo to admit, but sometimes I feel most like myself when I don’t have little toddlers pulling on my jumper. Making time for my own identity and the things I genuinely love has actually made me even more appreciative of the time I spend with my boys.

What’s a single moment that quietly shifted the direction of your life?

I was 24 when my boss pulled me aside and told me she was closing her PR agency.

She offered me the opportunity to freelance with some of the agency’s existing clients, and that single conversation completely changed the course of my life. It created the pathway that eventually became Papermill Agency.

Without that moment, my career and my life could have looked completely different. I’ll never forget that act of kindness because it opened doors that ultimately allowed me to build the life I have today.

What’s one boundary that completely changed your life?

Becoming much more protective of my time.

If saying yes to a coffee is going to put my whole day under pressure, I’m far more comfortable saying no than I used to be.

I also don’t have email notifications on my phone. That means work doesn’t automatically interrupt evenings with my boys or my personal time. If I log on after hours, it’s a conscious decision rather than a constant expectation.

What part of yourself do you judge the most, and why?

I used to judge myself physically.

These days, I judge myself more on whether I’m living in alignment with the values I’ve set for myself.

I’ve made some significant mistakes over the years that didn’t reflect the person I wanted to be, so now I’m constantly asking myself whether I’m showing up with kindness, calmness, understanding and compassion.

That’s the standard I try to hold myself to.

What’s something about you that people would never guess?

I’ve always loved music.

A few years ago I bought a set of DJ decks, and it has become one of the most rewarding hobbies I’ve ever had. My friends and I play together when we go out or at private events.

Building a set and practising the technical side of mixing puts me into a flow state far more than yoga or meditation ever has.

If you could live an entirely different life for a year, what would it look like?

I’d live on a tropical island, work behind a beach bar and have absolutely no financial responsibilities.

No mortgage. No school fees. No car lease.

Just me, my family and a much slower pace of life.

What’s the version of yourself you’re trying to become?

Having two children under five has shown me just how much patience I still have to learn.

Motherhood constantly challenges me to become more patient, more compassionate, kinder and better at regulating my emotions.

It’s an ongoing journey, and trying to do that while operating on very little sleep and juggling so many competing responsibilities isn’t easy.

But I’m determined to keep working on myself and become a better version of who I am, not just for my children but for myself.

What’s the hardest part of motherhood for you to admit out loud?

That it’s hard… all the time.

As a single mum, weekends can feel lonely and incredibly challenging.

I have found these early years of parenting little children surprisingly isolating and, at times, joyless.

As a mum, that’s a difficult thing to admit because you expect the joyful moments to outweigh the hard ones. For me, it has often felt like the opposite.

What I’ve realised, though, is that you don’t remember every difficult day. You remember the happy moments.

So now I try to focus on creating those moments, even if the day or the week has been incredibly tough.

What’s a small joy that’s helping you through this season of life?

The relationships I have with my friends and my partner.

I’m at my happiest when I’m laughing, making fun of myself and spending time with the people I love.

I’m incredibly fortunate to have such fulfilling friendships, and they mean absolutely everything to me.