By Nicole Fraser
Becoming a mother at 23 and again at 40 are, quite simply, two entirely different experiences. I’ve done both, and if you’d told my 23-year-old self that I’d be changing nappies again over a decade later, I probably would’ve laughed in disbelief. But here I am, and truth be told? I wouldn’t change a thing.
When I became a mum for the first time, I was young, naïve, and completely unprepared for how isolating early motherhood could be. I was the first in my friendship group to have a baby – a novelty for my friends, but a lonely road for me. I had no one to swap stories or advice with, no seasoned mum friends to lean on.
I was thrown into the deep end of parenting and had to learn quickly: how to run a household, manage my time, cook meals, and keep a tiny human fed, clothed and cared for, all the while navigating my early twenties.
On top of that, there was the financial pressure. I didn’t have the luxury of deciding when to return to work. That decision was dictated by necessity, not choice. I juggled daycare drop-offs and long workdays, and it was exhausting. That early chapter of motherhood was filled with stress, uncertainty, and survival-mode decision making.
Fast-forward nearly two decades to welcoming my third baby at 40, and it felt like stepping into a completely different season – one where I was more confident, calm, and in control. Yes, the pregnancy itself was physically tougher (there’s no sugarcoating that), but emotionally and mentally? It was a breeze compared to my first experience.
This time, I had choice on my side. I chose to have a caesarean birth, and I was grateful I could make that decision with clarity and confidence. I chose how long I wanted to be off work. There wasn’t that looming financial pressure, and with that freedom came an ease I hadn’t known the first time around. More importantly, I felt like I could actually be the kind of mother I wanted to be; present, patient, and intentional with my time.
Sure, some women worry about “starting over” when they have a baby later in life, especially once they’ve regained their freedom after the toddler years. But I never saw it that way. When you’ve done it all before, the sleepless nights and endless nappy changes don’t feel as overwhelming. You know it’s all temporary, and you know just how quickly the years fly by. Suddenly they’re at kinder, then school, and the cycle spins faster than you remember.
And to be honest, by the time you’re 40, the late-night partying days are well behind you. The things you want to do at this age, like dinners out, big walks, family time, all slot beautifully into life with a baby.
One of the greatest joys of doing motherhood at different life stages has been witnessing the beautiful dynamic between my older children and their much-younger sister. They adore her. They spoil her. She lights up when they’re around. And from a purely practical perspective? Built-in babysitters are an absolute gift.
Our family feels tighter because of it. My older kids want to be home more. We sit down for big family dinners. When we go out, we go together as a whole family whenever we can. There’s a richness to our family life that I don’t think we’d have otherwise.
If you’re standing on the edge of the decision, wondering whether to have another baby later in life – my advice is simple: just do it. You only live once, and those precious baby years don’t come back. Having a baby later has kept me young, connected and switched on. I’m across the latest trends and fads again (thanks to my daughter), and I’ve had the chance to correct some of the mistakes I made as a younger mum.
No regrets. That’s the motto. And for me, becoming a mother again at 40 was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.
