By HTE Founder, Erin Hughes.
Overwhelmed. The word still takes my breath away, instantly creating a state of anxiety that feels all too familiar. Before having kids, I don’t think I had ever experienced a sense of overwhelm.
I’m someone who has always thrived under pressure, is a keen multitasker, and am the best version of myself the busier I am. Although I was busy, I always felt in control.
“That all changed when I became a mum. And now, a sense of overwhelm is something I would experience daily.”
And I know I’m not alone. So many women experience a sense of overwhelm, especially during the transition into motherhood. My regular work schedule and structure of my day went completely out the window. I missed adult interaction so much and felt extreme loneliness. In the early days of motherhood, the days felt so long, and spending so much time on my own (with my baby/ies), I found myself starting to overthink everything and often got lost in my thoughts.
I felt immense pressure about my new life as a mother; what I should be doing, what I shouldn’t be doing, how I should be feeling, how I should be loving every moment, feeling perceived judgement from others if I needed to seek more help.
I remember the first feelings of being utterly overwhelmed was the first Father’s Day for my husband, which was also around the same time as my son’s first Christmas. I put so much pressure on myself that everything had to be perfect for both these milestone occasions. In the lead up to the two events, I filled my days with non-urgent, unnecessary, and unachievable tasks, trying to tick things off a list that was not even required. It was honestly crazy. It was like an out of body experience, where I could see I was making things so much harder for myself, yet I couldn’t stop. I felt this pressure to ensure I was doing all the “right” things, that I couldn’t think clearly.
Feeling overwhelmed is one of the most debilitating experiences, it takes over my entire body and mind. For me, I know it can be triggered by applying way too much pressure on myself and constantly striving to tick off and achieve everything on a list. Yet, the reality is the list will never be complete, as more and more tasks accumulate. As I have had more kids (I now have four), and as my kids have grown up, there are even more things to manage and think about.
From the crazy amount of WhatsApp groups (every class, mother’s group, family, girlfriends, every sports group) and other platforms that are used to communicate and keep you connected can be completely overwhelming. I thought school would have been easier as the kids became a little more independent, however, it actually feels harder to keep up with managing the different uniforms, various activities, school events and the list goes on…
It’s taken me a while to accept that this feeling is likely to be something I will continue to find challenging, and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to avoid it (especially with four kids!).
However, I’d also like to think that over time, I have been able to discover ways to minimise the impact that a sense of overwhelm can bring, as well as decrease the likelihood of it popping up.
So, here’s some things that I do that help me and that may work for you too:
- Good communication is key in any partnership: I really understand the power of excellent communication and teamwork – I know for me, when my husband (and partner in life) and I are communicating well and working together, everything feels that little bit easier and more manageable.
- Ask for help: Look at ways that you may be able to lean on support, whether it be asking a school mum or dad to help with pick-ups occasionally, getting your Mum or Dad to pop over to watch the kids for a few hours, asking your young neighbour to pop over and entertain your kids while you can finish up some work at home. Whatever it looks like, asking for help and getting the extra support is so important.
- Look at ways to improve your daily organisation and introduce (achievable) to-do lists to help declutter your mind and reduce the mental load.
- Block out time during the day or night where you are uncontactable (can you jump off socials, off your emails, off your phone)
- External expert support: A therapist or counsellor is an invaluable support tool.
- Look at ways to move your body: Get those natural endorphins pumping, it doesn’t need to be anything big, think small – like walking to school for pick-up, or walking the dog at night, or a 20 min stretch session before bed.
- Enable your kids as they start getting older to have more independence.
The sense of overwhelm is such a big part of a mother’s life, and a major contributor to feeling here, there and everywhere. When we’re aware of that, it’s also a good reminder to try to stay right here.
