By HTE founder, Erin Hughes
We’re all individuals, aren’t we? Unique in our strengths and struggles. No two people are the same, which means no two families can ever be identical either. Families are made up of unique personalities, and while we might aspire to emulate certain role models or idealised versions of family life, reality often looks very different. Sometimes you find families you relate to, which creates a sense of connection and empathy. Other times, it’s like speaking a completely different language. That’s just how it is.
One of my biggest challenges has been surrendering to my role within my family. As a mum, I’ve become the organised one – dependable, efficient, and productive. I’m the one who gets the kids to their activities on time, the one ticking things off the list. My husband, on the other hand, is the fun one. He’s energetic, creative, and imaginative – the big kid who brings all the fun. Of course, he’s got plenty of responsibilities too, but in the eyes of our kids, he’s all about playtime and adventure. And let’s be real, which one seems more appealing to a child?
“At times, I’ve felt angry, resentful, and even sad about falling into these roles. Why can’t I be the fun parent? Why does it feel like I’m stuck being “The Responsible One”? But the truth is, these roles come down to our individual strengths and what feels natural to us.”
My husband thrives at home, playing games and hosting imaginary tea parties. Me? Not so much. I’d rather be out and about, taking the kids to activities or exploring new things together. And you know what? That’s okay.
It’s taken me years to accept this about myself. Trying to force my husband or me to switch roles just doesn’t work. Instead, we’ve learned to lean into our strengths and find joy in the things we’re good at. It’s also been a process of surrendering to the fact that my role might not seem as “fun” but is just as valuable. Kids don’t always see it that way when they’re young, but over time, they’ll come to understand.
Ellidy Pullin’s book Heartstrong beautifully captures this idea. If you haven’t read it, add it to your list. In one part, she reflects on the roles her parents played in her life:
“Dad was a big kid, all lollies and adventures and pranks. He was a friend more than a parent. I’d go to him when I needed a laugh, not when I needed advice. I had Mum for that. Mum’s my foundation, my rock. She’s the very reason I keep going – she taught me survival skills and how to keep my head above water when I feel like I’m drowning.”
Both roles were equally important, just needed at different times in different ways. That perspective has been a game-changer for me, realising that being “The Rock” for my kids is a gift they’ll appreciate more and more as they grow.
Another part of Ellidy’s book struck a chord:
“I don’t buy the term mum guilt. Women are constantly made to feel guilty for the things we do and don’t do – if we work, if we don’t, if we have a nanny, if we don’t, if we leave our kids with their grandparents for a couple of hours to have a margarita, if we accidentally have too many margaritas and need to use pumped milk or formula for the bedtime feed – it’s bullshit.”
It’s raw, real, no BS and perfectly sums up the pressure we put on ourselves.
So, here’s the takeaway: be true to yourself. Lean into your strengths. Stop beating yourself up for not fitting someone else’s idea of motherhood. Your role is yours for a reason, and it matters more than you think.
