By HTE Founder, Erin Hughes
This is a somewhat controversial discussion piece. However I think the most confronting part is the word favourite. We absolutely love all of our kids that isn’t even a question or part of this topic.
Naturally kids develop their own unique personalities. You start to realise this when your child becomes a toddler. Sometimes you find yourself thinking they are so like me, or they are so like my partner or where in the hell has this child come from? This was certainly my thought process when my youngest child 2 started telling people F off idiot, I was mortified. However unfortunately this is one of the joys of being the baby of the family with older siblings. You start by thinking with your first child I hope no one corrupts them, then by your last child you think please don’t corrupt other children. It’s unfortunately part of the pecking order system.
I think if we re frame this question and topic to be do you have a child you get along with more than that would be less confronting.
It’s natural that you would get along or connect with the child that for example listens to what you say, does the things you ask them to do and understands you as a parent. This could be due to you having the same personality or being the complete opposite.
If one of your children doesn’t listen or pushes back constantly when you ask something of them, you naturally feel more frustrated with this child.
The most important message is that you love all of your children and like every relationship or personality you can have clashes based on who you are and who each of your children are. For me personally I want all of my kids to be who they are and who they are meant to be. Even if I clash with them at times, each individual has their own personality and that’s the most important thing. Just because they are your kids doesn’t make them perfect, and it’s unrealistic to put that pressure on them as like us they are human. It’s not about who we want them to be or making them out to be perfect.
Being real is the most important way to be for yourself, for your kids, for your friends and for others. Promoting a life of perfection is not only misleading for others it’s not being truthful to yourself.
I have 4 beautiful kids whom I absolutely love and would do anything for, however their personalities are all so different. Archie my eldest and I have always clashed. We butt heads in a massive way partly due to us being similar and partly due to being very different. To date, our relationship has been the most challenging, however as he gets older I can feel our connection and relationship getting closer and closer which is the most special feeling as it’s always been a challenge. He absolutely knows and admits that he pushes my buttons to get a reaction. I’ve got to learn to not react, which is must easier said then done. However the other night he said “mum I want to have your personality and be just like you when your older” which was such a rewarding and beautiful feeling as we do fight a lot. Knowing that that is how he feels aside from us butting heads is so amazing.
I believe that each of my kids will go through easier and more challenging stages, which can be difficult to navigate at times. This may lead to moments when you don’t feel as connected or your relationship feels off balance — and that’s okay, because we’re all human and not perfect.
I want people to know that if you’re feeling a disconnect with a child or your relationship feels off balance, that’s perfectly ok and normal and don’t feel guilty or terrible for feeling that way. You are only human, and being real means accepting that different stages of life and your children’s personalities are not always aligned. This is what makes every relationship you have with your kids beautiful — it goes through ebbs and flows, allowing you to reflect on the hard times and be grateful for the beautiful ones.
